If you are new to BDSM or wish to review some fundamentals to make sure you’re getting things right, this article should serve you.
BDSM is of course a vast playground of delightful sexual deviance, and you are encouraged to read the articles on this blog, and/or check out the books at the end of the page to learn about the fundamentals and the details of its practice and how to get the most out of it.
With a partner with whom I’d like to explore in a new sexual practice, I like to run down a list of possible activities to hear a yes/I’ll try it but I’m not sure/no to each of them. You’re welcome to discuss each one to get details of how she feels about it and if she has tried it, and you can explain what it would generally be like.
Introduce one toy at a time, starting with bondage is always a solid bet, then moving on to spanking, and so on. Then start performing roleplays introducing some more themed DS, if you are are into that, and incorporate a few of these in a scene. A typical scene especially at the beginning of a sexual relationship is 2-3 activities. Later on it can be 5-8, or however many you want, of course. And of course the level of intensity will depend on both the desires of yourself and the woman as well as your levels of trust in each other.
I like to have two safety words, one for yellow light (“that hurt please ease up”) and red light (“I’d like to stop the scene, at least temporarily to address something”). Make sure both parties remember the safety words. Review them before every scene.
If you’re going to use a gag, make sure to have a head movement and noise safety that just means take the gag out and let the bottom say something about the situation.
When doing bondage, make sure to periodically check the extremities for sufficient blood flow. Positions that put the bottom in physical strain or stretch should be done for a short time only.
With impact play: If you are going to use a new flogger or a whip hard, it is a good idea to first do some target practice on a wall or pillow first to confirm you can aim right.
In general avoid bony areas. For instance if you are hitting the back try to avoid the shoulder blades, and on the ass especially be careful of the hips (on the sides and lower back). In general it’s most likely to be unpleasant pain there.
Make sure you read about any activity before trying it, to understand the best practices regarding it.
Don’t do heavy stuff intoxicated (obviously).
Book recommendations:
Screw the roses, send me the thorns
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SM101
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