Lett’s talk about orgasm control, from the male perspective, meaning how to physically be in conscious control over the timing of my orgasm, and then about directing women’s orgasm.
It’s fun to be able to, most of the time, completely control when I orgasm. It allows one to do as many activities for as long as one wants, without any need to recharge. The main keys to this are:
1) regular kegel exercises (if you don’t know: squeeze the same muscle used to stop peeing for 3 seconds, for 5 sets of 10 reps every other day),
2) knowing one’s Goldilocks level of cumming frequency, not too rare so as to be not too horny and not too often so as to be well enjoying it (say twice or three times a week for example), and
3) knowing how to stop an orgasm from unleashing when you feel it may (see Male Multiple Orgasms? )
As to her orgasm. You can tell her to ask for permission to cum, and stimulate in whatever way, then when she asks for permission when getting close: deny, stop the stimulation, and then tease her a bit and resume with the same or different stimulation (such as intercourse to oral).
The woman can do this to the man too, of course. Depending on the top/bottom/switch dynamics.
Also kegels, without anything, with a finger, or with kegel balls, are good for women, in minimizing soreness and maximizing orgasmic potential.